The choice I made as a teenager has tormented me for decades

Lina PortmanJune 4, 2024

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Dear Annie: When I was a teenager, I was faced with a big dilemma and I would like to know how you would have solved it. My closest friend, “Joanne,” lived only a few minutes away but was terrible on punctuality when it came to get-togethers. She often arrived at my house a few hours late, which sometimes forced me to cancel our plans.

Sometimes she would get a call from a neighbor to babysit at the last minute and she wouldn't show up at my house at all. I told her I didn't mind if she canceled for that reason, but call me and tell me so I know.

Anyway, one day I had tickets for both of us to see an event together (I don't remember what it was), and as usual she showed up very late to my house . I waited as long as possible before finally calling him. This was in the 90s, long before we all had cell phones. Her sister answered and told me that Joanne had taken a babysitting job and was not at home. Frustrated but short on time, I called my friend “Katie” and asked if she wanted to go to the event with me. She said yes, and I was about to go out when Joanne called. Her sister had lied to me just for fun and Joanne was ready to leave. I didn't know what to do at this point, so I told Joanne that I had already invited someone else because I thought she couldn't go. I left and went to the event with Katie. I felt bad and I know Joanne did too. I'm pretty sure she was more angry with her sister.

Over the years, I have sometimes thought about this incident and wondered if I had done the right thing. My husband said I could have offered to let Joanne and Katie go together, which hadn't even occurred to me at the time. Regardless, what would you have done in this situation? — Two tickets, three friends

Dear Two Tickets, Three Friends: You did the right thing. Please indulge in something that happened over 20 years ago. I don't agree with your husband. I'm not sure why he would make you doubt something that happened so long ago.

Joanne was really late and disrespected you. Hopefully she learned a valuable lesson that evening about the importance of punctuality. Also, I hope she investigated why her sister was so mean to her and to you.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner? » is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology – featuring her favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book form. Visit for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].