Teenagers discuss masculinity – and how society shapes their views

Strong. Empty of emotion. Powerful. Dominant. Muscle. These are just a few words teenagers use to describe traditional manhood. If a man doesn't fit into these categories, what happens? What messages about masculinity are being sent to young men in our society and, more importantly, which of these messages are our teenage sons taking to heart?

In the first revealing conversation in SheKnows' new series “Be a Man,” we spoke to three boys, ages 17 to 19, who are juggling their desire to forge their own identities while also being very aware (and feeling a certain pressure to conform to traditional masculine ideals.

All the boys seemed to agree that men should be pillars of strength and reliability – which is fine – but it's a view of masculinity that leaves little to no room for moments of vulnerability and emotions that arise. each human faces.

“Crying or being seen as weak is a negative stigma,” says Ajani, 17. And for Ajani, who is Black, there's a heartbreaking extra layer: “When people make jokes that are prejudiced or racist in some way, I kind of have to be the bigger person in just pushing them down and not really saying it like that. as much as I want to say it…I also don't want to be, like, the angry black teenager. The etiquette around this isn't very good.

The traditional perception of “real” men as stoic and emotionless isn’t the only pressure teens face; There are ongoing discussions about body image and how it profoundly affects girls, but boys also face certain (often unrealistic) expectations about their appearance.

“One of the challenges of being a teenager is seeing other boys start to become men in high school as well,” reveals 18-year-old Jack. “For me, I’m pretty short. Watching other kids start to grow up is especially difficult, because it feels like we're left in the dust of the whole “manhood” thing.

There's also a feeling of waiting to know exactly what path they're on – when in reality, very few teenagers have a clear idea of ​​their future plans.

“There's a lot of pressure on me, and I think on a lot of others as well, to have their whole life figured out, knowing what they have to do in this next chapter of their life,” said Maverick, 19. . “We don’t have all the answers.” This begs the question: why do boys feel like it's not okay to admit they need advice?

It's an issue regularly addressed by professor, author and podcast host Scott Galloway, who says young American men are struggling — and part of it is due to a lack of positive male role models and mentors. “There's a notion of gag reflex when you suggest that a man gets involved in a young boy's life,” Galloway pointed out during a panel at SXSW's SHE Media Co-Lab, referring to the misconception that there is something “weird” or “suspicious” about it. – when in reality, it could be a big help in making these boys feel a little less detached.

These questions and more are ones SheKnows will examine throughout the “Be a Man” series; looking at the idea of ​​modern masculinity through the unique lens of the teenagers who navigate it.