Teenager with temporary custody of her brother asks how to balance her feelings with her father's expectations

An 18-year-old girl recently became a temporary guardian for her 4-year-old brother to ensure he grew up in a safe and loving environment.

As she overcomes the obstacles of parenthood and learns more about her unique personality and identity, she wonders how she could better manage her experience.

The teen took to Reddit to ask for parenting advice on how to validate her brother's “feminine” feelings when their father is so disapproving.

On the r/parenting forum, she explained that her little brother enjoys traditionally “feminine” activities, like dressing up and having tea. She sees nothing wrong with him exploring his interests and supports him no matter what. Their father, on the other hand, is less supportive. Although he lets his daughter lead the way in raising her brother, he tends to comment negatively on his flamboyance, saying he needs to behave like “a real boy”.

“My brother is only 4 years old and still a baby in many ways,” the teen shared. “I let it guide our game, and I don't think playing 'Tea Party' is going to ruin it.”

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The teen said her brother didn't have much of a relationship with other boys, and she became concerned after he came home one day upset that “the other girls” in his family class wouldn't let him play with them. She explained that she didn't want to read too much into it and was focused on validating her feelings, regardless of her unconventional behavior. She comforted him and told him that it was wrong to exclude people.

But she couldn't help but worry about what he might imply with his choice of words and whether it might mean a desire to be a girl, especially considering how discouraged their father was and how he could react.

Reddit users confirmed that she was doing a great job comforting and supporting her brother and didn't need to think too much about it.

They said all she could do was show him support, which would give him a safe space to grow and discover himself without any pressure on him.

“You don’t need to “do” anything in terms of behavior or attitude; Just continue to affirm that he is wonderful and loved just the way he is,” one person said.

Other editors argued that there was probably no deeper meaning in the boy's choice of words to call the girls in his class “the other girls.” Given that he is only 4 years old, inappropriate use of pronouns is common. Rather than making assumptions about his identity, commenters agreed that his behavior was perfectly natural and that he should simply be given the security and freedom to be himself. As for her father's sexist comments, the girl's parents advised the girl to ask him to keep his opinions to himself or ignore them.

“Even if the concept of being transgender has never entered a child's mind, they will frequently confuse/swap pronouns…simply because they are still learning,” another user wrote. “The fact that he said 'the other girls' doesn't necessarily mean anything about how he views himself in relation to them.”

Parents also highlighted the growing consensus among many forward-thinking parents about allowing children to explore diverse interests and activities, regardless of society's view of gender roles. In fact, people eventually strive to eliminate gender stereotypes altogether in order to promote a more inclusive and open-minded environment.

“Children don't have the same ideas about gender stereotypes as adults unless we teach them,” someone pointed out. “There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to wear a dress or play with dolls.”

Rather than focusing on gendered language, the parents encouraged the teen to focus on building her brother's self-confidence and showing him love and support.

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Some parents also expressed concerns about the teenager's well-being, sacrificing her youth to take a parental role in her brother's life.

“I'm sorry you had to go through such a difficult situation with your parents,” one parent mentioned in the comments. “Please be kind to yourself too.”

Three months before this message, the teenager had sought advice as she sought custody of her brother to prevent him from being sent into a toxic environment.

On the r/adoption forum, she explained that their mother died a few years ago when her brother was just a baby and that her father had faced personal difficulties, which prompted him to spend time in a rehabilitation center.

Due to her absence, he had planned to send the boy to live with his aunt, but the teenager explained that she was “bordering on violent.”

“She insults us (especially me) and our mother at every opportunity, and asks me to take care of all the household chores (in a big house) and doesn't believe that school is important,” the girl explained .

As the teen is officially 18, she explained that her aunt would no longer allow her to stay with them and that the girl was worried about her brother's well-being if he had to live there alone.

“Even though my father was in the picture, I was the one who raised my brother. I know what a responsibility this is and how difficult it will be,” she wrote. “I can't allow him to stay with this horrible woman.”

The girl clearly loves and cares for her brother, and he's lucky to have her.

It's a shame that the teenager had to grow up so quickly and raise her little brother, admitting that she has been working and saving money to support herself and her brother since she was 14 years old. But she's doing a noble thing, and her brother will do it. growing up in a safe environment thanks to his dedication and compassion.

Despite their unfortunate circumstances, the bond that develops between her and her brother will last a lifetime. He will certainly always admire her.

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Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, Florida. It covers topics related to lifestyle, human interests, adventure and spirituality.