My Teenage Son Has His First Girlfriend and Dating is Different Now

• My teenage son had his first girlfriend when he was 15.
• Dating is a lot different now than it was when I was a teenager.
• Sometimes “hanging out” means talking on the phone while in different locations.

When it comes to teenage relationships and dating, I'm only too happy to admit that I don't know much about it. When my peers were hanging out at parties, stealing kisses in school corners, and having sex, I was fresh out of my boy band phase and into my rock 'n' roll phase, busy planning a fantastic marriage to Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher and being far too introverted to find and talk to a boy my age.

So when my son started talking about girls a few years ago, I was surprised and intrigued – and also happy that he seemed to have the social ease I lacked and would probably enter into a rite of passage that I completely missed (although I've never been convinced that it was a bad thing). I've only had two real relationships in my life, so I also wondered what advice I could really give him when it came to dating in the first place.

Now that he has a girlfriend, it turns out so far that he's not really looking for advice: after all, teenagers often think they know everything. However, he's happy to talk about his feelings and the nature of high school relationships (six months is a really long time, he says). Through these conversations, I learned that while the essence of teen love and feelings is still the same, the way teen relationships will play out in 2024 is quite different.

Communication is different

Clearly, cell phones, and then smartphones, were game changers in many ways. For some of us, almost everything we do is different because of a small device we can hold in our hands. We consume media differently, have different attention spans, and the way we communicate has changed.

I've been surprised to see how much of my son's relationships (platonic and otherwise) have taken place on his phone — text messages and memes reign supreme. This seems different from what I remember at that age. Sure, I could definitely spend time on the phone, but I've also always wanted to spend time physically with friends, which doesn't seem to be a priority among teenagers now.

Hangouts aren't what they used to be

When I was a teenager, I often wanted nothing more than to be away from home. I was constantly at my best friend's house, where we were driving around aimlessly, listening to music, doing anything that meant we were together.

My son and his friends often “hang out” for hours as well, but they do it separately, at home, often by phone or through an online game. This is likely a consequence of the prolonged pandemic, and forced separation has become a preference.

This is also true for his relationship. Even though they see each other once a week or once every two weeks, neither of them seems to mind – and maybe that's a good thing after all. Who wants two bored teenagers who are attracted to each other hanging out alone for hours doing nothing?

Having a relationship is (apparently) new in the first place

I was surprised to learn that teen relationships are somewhat of a dying trend in the United States, although I'm probably not the only one. American teenagers are less likely than previous generations to participate in so-called “adult” activities, like working, drinking alcohol and dating, a study suggests.

This data was confirmed by findings from the Survey Center on American Life, which found that only 56% of adults in Generation Z (the generation my son belongs to) reported having had a romantic relationship of any kind as a teenager, a drop from 69% of Gen Z adults (the generation my son belongs to). Millennials, 76% of Generation X and 78% of Baby Boomers.

One of the reasons I was surprised that teenagers don't go out as much is that my son and his friends have been talking about being in relationships for years – long before they were actually ready to do it – and I just assumed that all teenagers were the same. path. Since most of his friends have also started a relationship or already gone through their first breakup, it seems like they also have a pretty laid back approach to how long a relationship should last at this point in their lives, which makes this fervor from a long time ago. quite funny to go back.

Whatever happens or doesn't happen in my son's relationship, it's fun to go on a journey with him, largely as an observer, and watch him begin to enter a safe version of adulthood before actually going out into the world. As his mother, my priority is always to hear and support him no matter what and help him navigate every path he takes – and this one is no different.