Mother Wants to Know If She Should Allow Teenage Daughter to Diet

If you’re a woman who grew up in the ’80s or ’90s, chances are you spent at least some of your life dieting, including your teenage years. The social pressure, stigma around being overweight, and misinformation were so strong that many of us tried trendy, unhealthy, and even disordered methods to lose weight or look a certain way. Today, we have a better idea of ​​what’s healthy and what’s not, and we know that diet culture sucks. But that doesn’t mean our girls feel any less pressure to lose weight. Or that they have any less trouble loving their bodies.

So what happens when your teenage daughter wants to diet, but you've already done it and know how dangerous it is? Do you let her do what she wants and figure it out for herself, or do you stand her ground? One mom is in the middle of this situation with her 15-year-old daughter. She took to Reddit to ask for help: Is she a jerk for telling her daughter that diets are off limits?

“I have a 44-year-old daughter named Mary,” she begins. “Mary has recently been complaining about her weight and asked me if she could go on a low-calorie diet. I told her I didn’t think it was healthy for a girl her age to diet and that she was beautiful the way she is. Since then, she’s been pouting and making comments like, ‘You’re just trying to make me fat like you!’ and I’m wondering if I’m an asshole.”

The poster goes on to explain that she keeps a house stocked with healthy, whole foods, even if dinner sometimes caters to the less refined taste buds of Marie's two younger siblings.

“We have healthy options at home, lots of fruits and vegetables available,” she says. “However, I have to admit that these foods are not always the main part of a meal. She has two younger siblings who are notoriously picky eaters and have sensory issues, so we cook whatever they want to eat. But we always have fruits and vegetables available as sides, and we cook at home. Mary gets mad at me for not allowing her to follow a low-carb, low-calorie diet, and my husband says I should let her do what she wants.”

The author adds that her daughter is of fairly normal height and weight (1.63 m and 68 kg) and that she took her daughter to the doctor, who said she was normal and healthy. She also plays several sports and is physically active. She wants to eat less than 1,200 calories a day to lose weight.

In the comments, commenters generally stated that one was an idiot in this scenario.

“She seems to be a healthy weight and she exercises,” one person wrote. “1200 calories is WAY too little for a growing teenager. School and exercise means she needs a lot of energy, she is clearly on the verge of body dysmorphic disorder. Should we take her to a therapist and maybe a nutritionist? But if she is already struggling with a nascent eating disorder she may not listen to them.”

Several people who suffered from eating disorders as teenagers spoke out. They warned their daughters that she too might need professional help. And that ignoring the problem and simply telling her not to diet might not be the right solution.

“I have a daughter who developed anorexia nervosa, spent a month in the hospital and two months in a residential facility. This is how it starts,” one person wrote. “You want to eat healthier or you are trying to lose weight. NTA and your gut are good. Find a registered dietitian and a good therapist.”

“For me, it all started with, ‘I want to be healthier,’ meaning, ‘My life is so stressful that I’m going to calculate every calorie, vitamin, and mineral that goes into my body so I can stay in control of my health.in good health',” Another woman wrote: “I'm lucky I noticed the effects on my mental health and stopped, but it's so easy to keep going under the guise of it being healthy. Especially when people compliment you on how well you're doing and losing weight.”

“I have an eating disorder and this woman is a little delusional, thinking she can just say ‘but you’re so beautiful!’ and make those thoughts magically go away,” another said. “She doesn’t like her body, denying that reality will only make her more secretive and resentful towards her mother.”

The takeaway? Dealing with teens and body image is really hard. And it can be incredibly difficult to know what to do when diet culture takes over your child. Getting help from health professionals and therapists can be helpful—it can be impossible to shield your kids from all the messages they’re getting from the world about what they’re supposed to look like.