Keeping Children Safe on Social Media: What Parents Need to Know to Protect Their Children

At what age should children be on social media? Should they participate? If they are not, will they be social outcasts? Should parents monitor their conversations? Does parental control work?

Navigating social media as a parent – ​​let alone a child – isn't easy. Use of social media platforms remains the norm for most American teens, with the Pew Research Center reporting that 58% of teens are daily TikTok users, with 17% describing their TikTok use as almost constant. About half of teens use Snapchat and Instagram daily, with near-constant usage at 14% and 8% for each, respectively.

But parents – and even some teens themselves – are increasingly concerned about the effects of social media use on young people. Lawmakers took note and held several congressional hearings on children's online safety. But even with apparent bipartisan unity, crafting laws and regulating businesses takes time. So far, no regulations have been adopted.

What are parents – and teenagers – supposed to do in the meantime? Here are some tips for staying safe, communicating and setting boundaries on social media – for kids and their parents.

13 YEARS, THE MAGIC AGE OF SOCIAL MEDIA?

There is already, technically, a rule that prohibits children under the age of 13 from using platforms that advertise to them without their parents' consent: the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act, entry in force in 2000, even before today's adolescents were born.

The goal was to protect children's privacy online by, among other things, requiring websites and online services to disclose clear privacy policies and obtain parental consent before collecting personal information about their children. To comply, social media companies have generally prohibited children under 13 from signing up for their services.

But times have changed and online privacy is no longer the only concern when it comes to children's online browsing. There is bullying, harassment, the risk of developing eating disorders, suicidal thoughts or worse.

For years, it's been a push for parents, educators and tech experts to wait until they're older before giving kids phones — and access to social media – such as the “Wait until the 8th” pledge which requires parents to sign a pledge not to do so. give their children a smartphone until the 8th grade, which is around 13 or 14 years old. Some wait even later, like 16 or 17 years old.

But neither social networks nor the government have taken concrete steps to increase the age limit.

IF THE LAW DOES NOT PROHIBIT CHILDREN, SHOULD PARENTS?

“There’s not necessarily a magic age,” said Christine Elgersma, a social media expert at the nonprofit Common Sense Media. But, she added, “13 is probably not the best age for kids to be on social media.”

Currently proposed laws include blanket bans for those under 13 when it comes to social media. The problem? There is no easy way to verify a person's age when signing up for apps and online services. And the apps popular with today's teens were first created for adults. Companies have added some safeguards over the years, Elgersma noted, but these have been piecemeal changes and not fundamental overhauls of services.

“Developers need to start building apps with kids in mind,” she said.

Some tech executives, celebrities like Jennifer Garner, and parents from all walks of life have decided to ban their children from social media altogether. Although the decision is personal and depends on each child and parent, some experts say it could lead to the isolation of children, who could be excluded from activities and discussions with friends that take place on social networks or on chat services.

Another obstacle: Kids who have never been on social media may find themselves ill-equipped to navigate the platforms when they suddenly have free rein on their 18th birthday.

TALK, TALK, TALK

A more realistic and effective approach to social media, experts say, would be a slow, deliberate integration that gives children the tools and information they need to navigate a world in which it's almost impossible to escape places like TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat.

“You can't just expect kids to jump into the world of social media and learn to swim on their own,” said Natalie Bazarova, professor of communications and director of the Cornell Social Media Lab. “They need to be educated.”

Start early, sooner than you think. Elgersma suggests parents check their own social media feeds with their children before they are old enough to be online and have open discussions about what they see. How would your child handle a situation where a friend of a friend asks them to send a photo? Or what if they see an article that makes them so angry that they just want to share it right away?

For older children, Elgersma advises approaching them with curiosity and interest, “by asking them what their friends are doing or simply not asking direct questions like, 'What are you doing on Instagram?' but rather: “Hey, I heard this influencer is really popular. »And even if your child rolled their eyes, that could be a window.

Don't say things like “Turn that thing off!” when your child has been scrolling for a long time, says Jean Rogers, director of the Screen Time Action Network at the nonprofit Fairplay.

“It’s not respectful,” Rogers said. “It doesn’t respect the fact that they have a whole life and a whole world in this device.”

Rogers suggests instead asking them questions about what they do on their phone and seeing what your child is willing to share.

Children are also likely to react when parents and educators “pull back the curtains” on social media and the sometimes insidious tools that companies use to keep people online and engaged, Elgersma said. Watch a documentary like “The Social Dilemma” that explores the algorithms, dark patterns and dopamine feedback cycles of social media. Or find out with them how Facebook and TikTok make money.

“Kids love knowing about these things, and it will give them a sense of power,” she said.

SET LIMITS

Rogers says most parents manage to take their kids' phones away at night to limit their scrolling. Sometimes kids may try to get the phone back, but this is a strategy that tends to work because kids need a break from the screen.

“They need an excuse from their peers not to be on their phones at night,” Rogers said. “They can blame their parents.”

Parents may need their own limits on phone use. Rogers said it's helpful to explain what you do when you have a phone in your hand with your child so they understand you're not aimlessly scrolling through sites like Instagram. Tell your child you're checking your work emails, looking up a recipe for dinner, or paying a bill so they understand you're not there just to have fun. Then tell them when you plan to hang up the phone.

WHAT ABOUT PARENTAL CONTROLS?

Social media platforms that cater to children have added an ever-increasing array of parental controls as they face increasing scrutiny over child safety. For example, Meta unveiled parental supervision tools last year that allow parents to set time limits, see who their child follows or is followed, and allows them to track the time the minor spends on Instagram. It does not allow parents to see the content of messages.

But as with similar tools on other platforms such as TikTok, the feature is optional and children and parents must agree to use it. To encourage kids to agree to put controls in place, Instagram sends a notification to teens after they block someone, encouraging them to let their parents “monitor” their account. The idea is to get children's attention when they might be more open to parental advice.

By making this feature optional, Meta says it is trying to “balance safety and autonomy for teens” as well as spark conversations between parents and their children.

Such features can be useful for families in which parents are already involved in their child's online life and activities. Experts say that's not the reality for many people.

U.S. Surgeon General Murthy said last year that it was unfair to expect parents to manage what their children do with rapidly evolving technology that is “fundamentally changing how their children view themselves, how they form friendships, how they experience the world – and technology, by the way. , which previous generations never had to deal with.

Putting all of this on the shoulders of parents, he said, “is just not fair.”