Grieving the loss of my closeted adolescence, a guest post by Robbie Couch

An internet friend of mine once tweeted, "Gay culture is being a teenager at 30 because your teenage years weren't yours." » The message quickly exploded. It sparked debate and sparked backlash, as even the most innocuous takes tend to do once they spread to the farthest corners of the internet. But most importantly, the viral tweet received praise from fellow LGBTQ+ users who felt seen by her statement. “That,” they replied, signaling that they could understand. I could too. The “being a teenager at 30” part of the tweet highlights the second adolescence that queer people eventually reach into adulthood because the closet has robbed us of many of the milestones that our heterosexual and cisgender peers have had the privilege of cross awkwardly. at fifteen, not at twenty-five. Whether it's first kisses or first attempts at eyeliner, it's not uncommon for LGBTQ+ people to feel like they're left behind. SCROLL TO CONTINUE READING THIS POST But it was the “it’s not your turn to live” aspect – the root cause of the need for a second adolescence – that particularly struck me. In fact, that's what inspired my new YA novel, Another first chancereleased May 28th. Photo credit: Ben Sweet on Unsplash. The book follows openly gay 18-year-old River – whose best friend, Dylan, died in a car accident a year before the story begins – as he enters a mysterious study aimed at helping teenagers in difficulty. Flashbacks to the day Dylan died, told from the late teen's perspective, capture an outwardly straight high school student struggling with his sexuality behind closet doors and feeling like he's living his life for everyone but him -even. A life, Dylan believes, that does not belong to him. Grieving a lost loved one is a clear theme of Another first chance. But it is worth noting the less visible, but no less significant, form of grief that floats just beyond the book's pages; the one that exists in the "what could have been" space between these friends perhaps more than just friends, if they had both felt empowered to be who they are in the short time they have spent together. While it's true that many teenagers (most? practically all?) don't feel like they can be themselves for a variety of valid reasons, there is a specific form of pain that we gay people who don't experience. didn't go to high school, can feel. stays with us long after fear of rejection, judgment, and even violence has forced us to suppress crucial aspects of our identity. And it's not our fault. Just look at the world around us, says Jesse Kahn, director and sexologist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York: “Homophobic and heteronormative, transphobic and cisnormative narratives, as well as government policies and cultural norms around religion, families. , schools, social spaces, laws, and various other institutions all contribute to people repressing or fearing their sexuality and sexual orientations. Fortunately, the tide is turning. More and more young LGBTQ+ people are feeling comfortable coming out earlier, and that's a wonderful thing. But for the many queer kids who still can't — and for the LGBTQ+ adults who can't — I don't think we adequately recognize the loss caused by this repression. It is a loss worth mourning, however, I have come to realize. My childhood was a hidden one, but a good one all the same. I had good friends and a loving family, not to mention a reliable roof over my head and three meals a day. Awareness of this privilege made me hesitant to accept the loss of an openly gay Robbie of thirteen, fifteen, seventeen years old – a Robbie who would not have needed to hide his love of Mariah Carey songs, nor to monitor his “gay voice”. in the locker room, or dancing with a cute boy at prom without it becoming a big deal. I had experienced it well, for the most part. What did I have to complain about? But I don't think we're doing ourselves any favors by downplaying what our warped world stole from us by locking us in the closet during our most formative years. At least I wasn't. That's why I chose to mourn Robbie, a very proud high school student, so that, ironically, he could go on living. Photo credit: Moren Hsu on Unsplash. As the cliché goes, you never really lose the people you love; we accompany them for the rest of our journeys, their impact shaping who we are both big and small. I needed to grieve the loss of Robbie, an openly gay high school student, to realize that he is still inside me, celebrating the person we have become today. I hope all LGBTQ+ adults who have been robbed of their authentic youth will do the same. It may seem like Dylan will never get this opportunity. But that's the magic of YA speculative fiction: it might end up having Another first chance in love, after all. Meet the author Photo credit: Anita Lashey Robbie Couch writes young adult fiction. If I see you again tomorrow, her third New York Times bestselling novel, received starred reviews in Publisher's Weekly, Booklist, and the Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books. Robbie's first book, The Sky Blues, was a finalist for the Barnes & Noble Young Adult Book of the Year and selected by the Junior Library Guild. Robbie is from a small town in Michigan and lives in Los Angeles. Another first chance S&S page My Instagram About Another first chance SCROLL TO CONTINUE READING THIS POST They both die END meets You reached Samin this breathtaking speculative young adult novel from New York Times bestselling author Robbie Couch who explores all the different ways love can survive after tragedy. It's been a year since eighteen-year-old River Lang's best friend died in a car accident. And every day since, he's had to drive past the depressing billboard that appeared as a result: a texting and driving PSA that reduces Dylan to a cautionary tale and River to a kid's best friend died at school. However, Dylan was more than a statistic, and River hates that everyone in town seems to have forgotten. When he is caught improving (i.e. vandalizing) Dylan's billboard, River is blackmailed into joining the Affinity Trials, a research study that observes adolescents who “struggle socially”. But upon his arrival, River's social struggles only get worse when he finds himself with the last person he wants to spend an entire week with: his ex-best friend and Dylan's former girlfriend, Mavis, who is the the only one who knows the truth about the night Dylan died. During the Trials, River befriends a charming quarterback named Nash, and it doesn't take long for romantic feelings to begin to surface. move. And when suspicions lead him to an explosive discovery, River will have to decide how far he's willing to go for another chance at first love. ISBN-13: 9781665935302Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books For Young ReadersPublication date: 05/28/2024Age range: 12 to 18 years old Filed Under: Guest Post