'Great American Baking Show' canceled after 6th mass shooting

LONDON – The “Great American Baking Show” came to an ignoble end after a record sixth mass shooting hit the Pinewood grounds in a short period of time, traumatized sources confirmed.

“We really wanted American bakers to feel at home here in England. Benefits for contestants were cut, free healthcare was not provided, Lawrence Fox and Piers Morgan were broadcast on a loop in our theaters, and the usually strict gun laws in the UK were relaxed,” producer Clark Davis revealed. “The last thing we wanted was for contestants to feel like they weren’t getting an experience that matched what they were used to on the other side of the pond. But sadly, this has led to the repetitive and completely avoidable tragedy of mass shooting after mass shooting. Gun-toting lunatics showing up in our peaceful tent to ‘make a statement’ or do some deranged mischief. At this rate, our insurance is so high that we can’t afford to film for a minute.”

Laurie Smith, one of the contestants on the now-final season, was surprisingly upbeat and even optimistic.

“We assumed that by ‘making you feel at home,’ they meant they’d provide an Applebee’s or a Big Lots, but I have to say the discarded bottles of Oxy were a nice touch and each room was outfitted with a pair of complementary assault rifles. It reminded me of my lovely road trip through Florida last year,” Smith said, wrapped in a blanket in the back of an ambulance. “The only surprise, frankly, is that this is all coming to an end. You’d think after the third or fourth, people would just accept that this is now a part of everyday life.”

Co-host Paul Hollywood was tragically injured in the shooting, but was able to give a brief interview.

“The bullet that obliterated my shin was well made and built in the spirit of the bullet, the shooter's aim was heavy and half-baked, and the hollow point itself was a disappointing, soggy pop rather than an explosion of “Spicy flavor and shrapnel was to be expected,” Hollywood said from his hospital bed. “In the end, the challenge was disappointing and I honestly expected it. a higher level at this point in the series.”

Asked about this, Parliament blamed the EU's lax immigration standards and Congress suggested introducing prayer in all British schools.