DR. ROBERT WALLACE: Teenager was nervous, then unhappy, about birthday announcement | News

DR. WALLACE: My father is a tyrant! Our family owns a small business and he works there six days a week; my mother is there four days a week. They are doing pretty well and our family is comfortable.

I am a woman and the eldest of a family of four children. The others are 14, 12 and 9 years old. I just turned 17. Last week my parents gave me some lovely birthday presents for my birthday, but after opening them all, they sat me down for a “talk”.

I kind of knew something unusual was going on by the way they spoke and the way they kept looking at each other. I actually started to get really nervous, as the thought crossed my mind that they might tell me about a divorce or something monumental like that.

Once they started talking about their business, I literally exhaled the breath I was holding and didn't really quite hear what they were saying. Their lips were moving, but it was like my mind had turned on the mute button. I finally heard my dad say, “So we'll start Saturday morning, okay?”

I answered it and had to ask him what was happening on Saturday. They both laughed, so my father took over, and this time I heard him tell me that each of their children was going to have to work 15 to 20 hours a week in the family business! I was shocked and started to protest, but my mother interrupted me and told me that their decision was not only final, but was in my best interest. They kept saying that it would prepare me for life beyond their home and also for my college years.

I have no interest in working at their company, even though they told me they would pay me reasonably well. The price they offered me was indeed fair, but it's not the money I'm looking for! This summer and next school year are my “prime time” as a high school student, and I have a very busy social life. I don't want to become an indentured servant in the family business. I feel like they are being very unreasonable here; you do not agree ? — I prioritize social time over work, via email

I PRIORITIZE SOCIAL TIME AT WORK: I don't think your parents are unreasonable. They seem to me to be using their company as an opportunity to not only gain work experience, but also to prepare you for your life after high school, when you will have to deal with multiple claims in your free time. Yes, I think you should have free time for your social calendar, especially during your senior year. I think working 12-16 hours a week would be more appropriate, rather than working until 8 p.m.

In any case, I recommend that you take this news both with a grain of salt and with a sigh of relief. You were quite worried when they started talking to you, and what you found out really wasn't bad news overall. You will find a way to balance your professional life and social commitments with practice.

I've spoken to many teenagers over the years who “had to” work part-time in a family business while in high school, and well over 90% of them viewed that time favorably once that they were a little older. Some really learned a lot about the business and work in general, and many expressed a much more favorable view of a parent (or both) when they saw up close the hard work that went into providing for the needs of the family.

Hold your head high and try to advocate for a balance between your new work obligation and your social life rather than trying to eliminate one altogether. Your future self will probably agree with me at some point when you look back on the days you are about to live through.