Carolyn Hax: Teenage Daughter Is 'Cranky' About All Family Travel Plans

She is now starting to say that she doesn't really want to take trips to visit family in other states, including during the holidays.

I want to take a family trip to the beach this summer and visit my aunt along the way, and she's already complaining that my aunt's house is boring and doesn't have good WiFi (okay, this last part is true and boring). I want to respect her wishes, but I also don't think that at 15 she should be in the driver's seat of family travel decisions. What to do?

Anonymous: Recognize that you have entered an awkward phase. This is when everything you do, say, think, wear, breathe, or chew is embarrassing to your teen.

Most parents of teenagers get there, if not all, so I have to think that you and anyone who has ever seen a movie knew this was going to happen? So maybe my role is to point out that even cool trips can't get you an exemption.

The next thing you do is accept it. Your child is trying to figure out who he is outside of you. Your choice to not take emotional separation personally is a great way to let it happen.

Next, decide what that will look like in your family. Of course, a parent wants to be “in charge” of the family. But that doesn’t mean you have to declare that you set the agenda for the trip and she will come along and enjoy it. That’s one way to take the wheel, of course, but there are others.

You can also pick your battles: maybe the window closed on the candle greeting card photo at any resort (sorry), but maintaining ties with extended family is not optional, no matter how many holes she burns in the photos with her suffering. In the interest of fairness, let her weigh in on some projects.

Another solution is to encourage your students to travel while you suspend family travel, until participation from all parties is desired again. It’s a risk; you're banking everything on the hope that those days of togetherness will return, which may not be the case. The passage of time will not be denied.

But forcing the issue isn’t just about wasting money and toxic exposure to eye-rolling. It’s also a form of silencing under the guise of leisure. She’s changing and growing, so why can’t your approach to travel (among other things) change and grow with her? It sets a tone of respect, not capitulation—and respect is the kind of family value that can inspire adult children to travel with their parents for the rest of their lives. Once the grimaces have died down, at least.

Set aside some of those hard-earned resources, and maybe you can gift your daughter her leaner years, as well as any family she might have. I'm sure she'll like you a lot better then and you'll be a lot more fun.