Bryce Harper Helps Teen Find A Babysitter, ABS Looks Awesome

Are you ready for Week 4 of Touch ‘Em All? Well, it doesn’t really matter, because it’s here!

Last week, I talked about three different stories that left me confused and or shocked. But this time, we’ve got several things that should make you feel joy and excitement instead.

I mean, talking about baseball – the greatest game in the world – should already get you brimming with happiness. But in case your week is going as badly as the Washington Nationals’ (one win in the past seven days, yikes), here’s a little extra to give you a serotonin boost.

Bryce Harper Helped A Teenager Find A Girl Who Is Wife Material

The first bit of news involves a “promposal.”

Okay, I know that’s not really news; we’re at that time of year where those are happening left and right. But I bet not many of the ones that you may have seen involved a professional baseball player.

Jake Portello, a high school senior attending Haddonfield Memorial High School in New Jersey, was one of the few (only?) exceptions.

Apparently, this teenager lives nearby to Philadelphia Phillies star Bryce Harper. Portello wanted to impress his potential prom date (Giulia), so he headed for the fences and asked Harper to help him.

Needless to say, it was all a resounding success and Portello landed her date to the ball.

But the best part isn't that the two teens agreed to awkwardly dance with each other for a night out (because that's really all people do at proms). The best part is, thanks to this interaction, Jake now knows that Giulia is a keeper.

How do we know? Think about it. Just look at how thrilled she was when Harper showed up at her front door. She tried not to cry with excitement and rushed over to give him a hug; to her, it was as if Jake wasn't even there!

RELATED: Will Cain debate the sport's best wingers after Bryce Harper's proposal help

If I were Jake, I'd take this as a sign that I've found someone worth keeping. Young girls who enjoy baseball are rare these days, and you need to capitalize when you meet one.

Maybe in a few years Harper can help you with a marriage proposal?

MLB could implement a big umpiring change very soon

If you're like me, the thing you can't stand most in a game (besides batters looking at strike three, gosh, that frustrates me) is umpires messing up balls and hitting calls.

By proxy, that means guys like Ángel Hernández are regularly on your MLB shit list. For me it is only slightly behind Red Sox Ownership Group and everyone who plays for the New York Yankees.

Who is your least favorite MLB umpire? Let me know at [email protected].

Guys like him (and there are several) will continually make horrible calls in massive situations that will (rightfully) infuriate coaches and hitters. To make the situation even more frustrating, they will kick out anyone who dares to argue with them about objectively horrible calls.

God, I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

But fear not, MLB is seriously considering a way to significantly mitigate the damage caused by these clowns.

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred has hinted that MLB may install an ABS (automated ball and strike) system in the near future.

What exactly would that look like?

Take a look at this clip below from a Triple AAA game.

So the pitcher and catcher believe the pitch is a strike (even though it's called a ball) and tell the umpire they want to challenge it. With the automated strike zone, they are able to understand that it is a strike and the game continues.

Basically, we could soon live in a world in which we no longer need to rely entirely on the abilities of men like Hernández to successfully land balls and strikes, without having to remove the human referee element from the game.

I can't wait for the league to reach this new horizon.

You have to visit Fenway Park, if only to see an incredible sunset

I went to Fenway Park dozens of times growing up, and it became one of my favorite places on planet Earth. There are countless things I could talk about to convince you that going to this iconic stadium is an experience you won't regret.

But I'll give you one that's a little unconventional.

Picture this: You're sitting in your seat on the first base line. The green monster looms straight ahead in the distance, you smell popcorn, hot dogs, and ice-cold beer, and a gentle breeze provides just the right balance of summer heat and cool.

But if you tilt your head slightly upwards, you see a sunset worthy of a Claude Monet painting.

I'm not sure what it is about Fenway's geographic location that makes it a prime spot for fantastic sunsets, but hey, they'll leave you speechless.

Not only will you be able to eat a dog and a beer while watching a baseball game featuring the greatest sports team of all time, but you will also be able to witness the majesty of the heavens unfold before your eyes.

What else do you need to visit Fenway Park?

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It's all for this week ! As always, thank you very much for reading. Let me know your thoughts or any stories you'd like me to talk about by emailing [email protected].