American mother says French parents raise their teenagers to have more freedom

• Pamela Druckerman wrote “Bringing Up Bébé” arguing that parenting in France is superior to parenting in the United States.
• The 2012 book caused a stir because it said Americans could learn from French moms and dads.
• Druckerman's children are now teenagers, and she widely believes similar lessons apply today.

When Pamela Druckerman published her groundbreaking book, “Bringing Up Baby,” in 2012, her daughter was 5 and her twins were just 2.

This caused a sensation because the author compared the parenting style of the French with that of the United States. Druckerman, originally from Miami and arrived in Paris, concluded that, unlike in the United States, it is moms and dads in France who decide in the family, not the children.

The title of the book in the UK was “French Children Don't Throw Food”, summarizing his observation that they were better behaved thanks to a less distressing approach.

Now that Druckerman's children are 18 and 15, she has returned to her theory. She told Business Insider that while a few American parenting styles have started to cross the Atlantic, most French parents raise their older children differently.

She said they shared some concerns with their American counterparts – particularly about the influence of social media – but highlighted three common attitudes that American parents could learn from.

Most French parents do not monitor the location of their teenagers

In “Bringing Up Bébé,” Druckerman noted that so-called helicopter parenting — when parents hover over their children and cater to their whims — was a foreign concept to many French people.

She said that, as is often the case in America, they don't follow them to the playground.

Instead, adults can interrupt conversations while their children are left alone to play independently and manage their own interactions.

She added that the same “hands-off” approach extends into adolescence, when parents rarely intervene in their relationships with friends.

“In America, I met many parents who monitored their teenagers very closely, feeling entitled to read their private text messages,” Druckerman said.

She said it was unusual for French parents to track the location of their teenagers using their phone's GPS.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” she added. “Parents expect them to have a private life.”

They respect their privacy when it comes to sexual relations after the age of consent of 15

Druckerman said the age at which children in France first have sex is around 17. She said the average American loses their virginity at the same age.

What's different, she says, is that the French tend to recognize it, while Americans prefer to avoid it.

“There's a lot of talk here about teen sexuality — the expectation that teens have sex,” the author said, adding that they have a right to their privacy. “In the United States, I feel like parents pretend it doesn't happen when, of course, it does,” she told BI.

French pharmacies distribute free condoms to young people under 26, and girls have easy access to contraceptives and the morning-after pill financed by the public health system.

“No questions are asked and parents are not consulted,” Druckerman said.

Most French moms and dads make sure their children know they have a life outside of parenthood

Druckerman cited a Financial Times study showing that parents in most developed countries, including the United Kingdom, Spain and Canada, are spending more time with their children than in the past.

The study found that in 2020, Americans spent three hours a day practicing “hands-on” parenting, such as helping with homework or playing with their children, up from two hours in 1965.

On the other hand, French parents spent almost an hour less “together time” with their children in 2020 than they did 55 years earlier.

“This has increased dramatically in almost every country tracked, except France, where the number of hours parents spend per day with their children has decreased,” Druckerman said.

The mother adds that French parents are careful not to be defined as such. “They have their own lives to lead,” she said. “Children are raised to be individuals who need time and space for themselves.”

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