“AITA for not telling my parents that the event they were missing was my wedding?”

“AITA for not telling my parents that the event they were missing was my wedding?”

Fasten your seatbelts, this is going to be a bit long… I (27F) have a little brother, Mike (21M). He is the very definition of a man-child and a mama's boy, always complaining, always expecting others to bow down to him. Basically, he's an asshole. Ever since he was born, my parents have taken care of him for everything.

He doesn't have special needs, he didn't have a traumatic birth or anything like that. He was just born. And my parents completely rejected me. My mother (50) especially. She went from being a loving mother to one of those mothers of boys that people make fun of on the internet. My father (50) has always shown me love and support, but he's always been too much of a coward to stand up to my mother and let me win at least once.

The only one who represented me was my grandfather (76 million), who was always yelling at my parents for their bullshit, and never liked my brother. I remind him of his late wife, my grandmother, and we have a very special bond, but he lives across the country and I never get to see him often.

Mike knows our mother prefers him and loves to put it in my face. Because of that and his behavior, we have always been at odds. He is spoiled, a brat, and a horrible human. I can't remember how many times I got in trouble for things I did better than him or for things he tricked me into doing. His only talent is his football skills.

He won a scholarship to a nice college out of state. My parents didn't spend a dime on my education because apparently my money was used to cover expenses after a fire, only for me to find out years later that the money was given to Mike to buy a car and a house.

It was at the public university that I met Lucas. He was the first person who really attracted me there. Of course, I met new people who are now my dearest friends, and thanks to them and Lucas, who was my best friend for years before we met, I managed to move out of my parents' house. Now, Lucas and I are well-known in our fields and have very good salaries.

Now to the main issue. Lucas proposed to me a year ago. We're very private people, so we didn't post it on social media or anything, and when I told my parents, they dismissed it as “that's sweet” (I'm starting to think they didn't listen to me at all). We decided we wanted a nice but simple ceremony and reception with our friends and loved ones.

Lucas convinced me to invite my parents and brother, but they never responded to the invitation. And every time I went to visit them and started talking about my wedding (without mentioning that it was a wedding), my mother would always interrupt me and tell me about my brother's crazy exploits and adventures.

At one point, I got fed up and interrupted my mother to tell her that there was an event I was planning to host, the date of which was set in stone. She told me they couldn't attend because my brother was playing the last game of the season that day and wanted them to be there.

Of course, this favoritism didn't surprise me: they missed my ballets, my shows, and my high school and college graduations because of things that concerned him. At this point, I wanted to be petty. I told both my parents that it was okay to miss the event, I purposely left out the fact that the event was my wedding, and I didn't push it any further.

Flash forward: a few weeks ago I got married. It was perfect. My family, Lucas' family and our friends were all there and we had a great time. My grandfather was happy to give it to me, and it was just perfect.

My relatives asked me several times why my parents were not there with us. I was honest and just said they had to go to my brother's game and couldn't make it. They gave me a few looks and my grandfather was visibly angry for a moment, but otherwise nothing strange happened.

After the reception, Lucas and I went on our honeymoon and didn't have a phone for the entire trip. But when we got back, we found a storm was welcoming us home. I turned on my phone and couldn't even unlock it before a storm of notifications came crashing down on me. Most of them were from my mom and brother.

Mike called me all sorts of nasty names and insulted me because apparently one of my paternal aunts posted the wedding photos on Facebook, and captioned the post with a very obvious dig at my parents (especially to my mother) for missing the wedding.

The post apparently went viral in my parents' community, and they were publicly shamed for their mistreatment of me. It also turns out that my grandfather personally visited my parents to go on a tirade shaming my father, his son, to tears.

And that seems to have been my father's breaking point, because he was so upset about missing his only daughter's wedding and his father's disapproval, that he finally rebelled against my mother and threatened to divorce her if she didn't make it up to me.

I think that's why my mother sends spam messages to my phone, first insulting and threatening, then downright pitiful, full of begging and pity parties.

Now I'm home with my husband and deciding how to approach the situation. Most of my loved ones, even those I didn't invite to the wedding, apologized for what I experienced and said they had no idea it was happening at home (I can't blame none of my relatives, they all live with my grandfather on the other side of the country or in another state).

But my mother's sisters and friends are putting me down because I didn't tell my mother about the wedding, because she is now inconsolable about missing my wedding. Personally, I think she is just pretending this to save face, but I am not sure. The last messages from my father and mother seem extremely saddened and hurt about missing my wedding.

My family is now divided on three fronts: the majority who stay by my side, my maternal aunts who shame me for hurting my mother, and my maternal grandparents who insist that I forgive my mother because of her ” atonement.” My best friends tell me not to listen to them. So, AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

something strange87

NTA. They literally got the same wedding invitation as everyone else. Everyone understood that the event was a) important and b) your wedding.

HotFox4151

You handled this like a pro – well done, this internet stranger is really proud of you! Now continue to handle it like a pro. Stop the aunties shaming you for hurting your mother's feelings – she's been doing this to you your whole life.

Eliminate the maternal grandparents who consider your mother to have “atoned” for her behavior because she has been through hell. Stick with the majority who are on your side. The family and friends who supported you at your wedding and continue to support you today. The rest can go to hell.

Broccoli at a distance

Do stupid things, win stupid prizes. Your parents neglected you your whole life and you just reacted. You invited them! You told them. They just went about their day like nothing happened.

Art_substantial_6560

I'll keep an open line with your father. As long as he stands up to your mother. You mentioned that he tried to defend you, but your mother seemed very dominant. But for your mother and your brother NTA and for them, I would say little to no contact. Congratulations for your marriage.